I'm beginning to understand why the suicide rate is so high during the holidays.

Very depressing: I posed for a drawing group in Montgomery yesterday and, on my way home, ended up blowing nearly all of the money I made on jewelry kit stuff at Michael's. Why did I decide to make earrings and necklaces for everyone this year again?

Also depressing: the first of my two pay cheques between now and Christmas has yet to arrive in the mail. Tuition's due. I have to have cash for my CTA pass and parking for the next two weeks, not to mention gas and a coolant check.

And Aubrey capped off the day by saying "do you ever thing Sarah would be happier at your grandfather's?"

(i.e. It's getting really cold out, you're going to be working a lot more and Aaron and I don't want to pick up the slack..)

No. I fucking. DO NOT.

Can I get some fucking help here? Jesus Christ.

Is this season over yet?

..how a coffee house can be for "womyn born womyn and girl children only." But I'm pretty sure I don't want to get a cup of coffee from there.

I wonder if the dyke couples with boy children in their strollers get turned away at the door?

..ended up lasting seven weeks.

My calves are still burning.

For those who are interested, the details are behind the cuts. For everyone else, the totality of the last two months can be summed up in three photos:

Burr Oaks Cemetery: 'Bodies Will Be Indentified'

..and when I say neighborhood, I mean this happened in Alsip -- in the township where I'm going to be living, less than five miles from where I'm going to be living.

....

And all I can think is "at least it wasn't Restvale Cemetery." Because then it would have been *across the street*.

.. sorry, it's been a few weeks.

Chicago was amazing, as usual. Again, Caroline elected not to go this year -- because her man's birthday happened to fall on the same weekend as the Fest "and I know I'd give him hell if he missed *mine*.." Ah monogamy. Such a strange and annoying creature.

So Erica and I set out alone. We left Friday morning around 10 and got to the Day's Inn on Devon St. close to 4 p.m. I picked a different Day's Inn in Elk Grove Village than the one we stayed in last year because (being near the highway, turns out) it was about $20 cheaper than the on Higgins. Won't be making that mistake again -- getting to the Hyatt from Devon and back was like navigating a Bermuda triangle of odd side-streets, sharp turns and unlit streets. So Day's Inn on Higgins can look forward to seeing us again next year.

Oddly enough, while we -- and a lot of other 'fest attendees were heading east for the convention, Paul McCartney and his new lady were heading *west* on an extended tour of Route 66. They made the news in *Springfield, IL* when they stopped at a Circle K gas station and Paul got out and bought a coffee. O.O Leaving me to gasp and wring my hands: "why couldn't it have been a video store in St. Louis.... ?!?!" All weekend there were periodic updates about where they were. At one point, they camped out in Lebanon, MO. A town I only *passed through a million times* between UA and home... Life is so weird.

I took Erica to Rosati's Pizza -- not the nice hole-in-the-wall that was near Higgins, the standalone restaurant on Nerge. Perhaps they moved, I'm not sure. All I know is while the pizza was still *heavenly* (Erica talked me into getting pepperoni and jalapeno, surprisingly delicious combination) the staff was full of annoying little teenaged shits who ate in front of the customers, stood in little gossiping clusterfucks at the counter, and had the gaul to look irritated whenever you inquired about your order. Eww. Here's hoping the other Rosati's is still there.

Saturday, we woke up early and got to the Hyatt around 9:30. It was odd, remembering how we used to get up at the crack of dawn and get down to wait in line for the Ballroom around 7 so we could get our front row seats for the rest of the day. We really needn't have bothered -- Erica and I had perfectly good second-row seats all day. They ran the new documentary on Neil Innes ("The Seventh Python") first to thunderous, well-deserved applause. That man is a treasure: played with the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band, co-wrote a bunch of music for Monty Python, went on several stage tours with the group, wrote all the music for the Rutles film and albums (and played Ron Nasty, the John Lennon character), good friends with George Harrison.. And such a genuinely *nice* man. I contemplated lining up for a photo with him again this year, but reasoned that I already have two of me with him (one when I was fourteen, another when I was eighteen) and didn't really need to wait in line for another one.

( Neil Innes, August 9 )

Erica went down to the market place and ended up running into "Sharon" who turned out to be Dawn Dunham, a friend of ours from the St. Louis Beatles Fan Club, whom neither of had seen in almost five years. I went down to the marketplace a bit later, bought a new "Free Paul" badge to replace the one I lost and a "Save Lennon" badge, just to be fair and balanced. The vendor also had some gorgeous photos, so I bought a sepia-toned one of Paul (looks like mid-70s era) and a photo-strip of John and Paul from the Shea Stadium concert. The booksellers were there, and I found one who had not one, not two, but four different editions of The Longest Cocktail Party, a book Dad had recommended I read. I bought the original 1972 paperback, the copy I remember my dad owning (though his was literally three parts of a book and several loose pages held together by a piece of yellowed, deteriorating masking tape). I found a black, Sgt. Pepper t-shirt for Caroline and an *amazing* Helter Skelter one for me.

While I was looking at the t-shirts, I ran into Dawn and ended up chatting with her for a long time. She's still working at Purina but Debbie (whose job was outsourced to India) is not. I told her about visiting Debbie's house at Jamie's wedding reception and how the living room hasn't changed in more than 10 years and the weird time-warp/memory-lane trip it sent me on. Lynn apparently is still involved with Dee's brother and also got involved with his weird church, has since quit her job at the early-childhood center and sold most of her Beatles's stuff. Very strange. Mike Manson plays piano at the Big Bang on the Landing -- though no one's gone out to see him play (and my advice to them is *don't*, the man left for a reason). Linda Dana found us soon after that, apparently she'd just run into Erica around the corner. She's been through a divorce since we last saw her, trimmed down significantly and changed her hairstyle. I got a nice photo of the three of us.

( Dawn, Linda and me, August 9 )

I got back to the ballroom in time for some of Billy J Kramer's interview and stuck around for Neil Innes and The Smithereens, who just finished an album of all Beatles-covers a few months ago. I sat in on most of the auction which, reflecting today's economy, was pretty dismal: lots of merchandise unsold. I made friends with Grace, the woman two seats down from Erica and I. This was her first Fest and I told her a lot of my stories from the past eleven years. Erica stood in line for Pattie Boyd and Marc Hudson's autographs. She recounted for Marc the story of how Lynn got his autograph for her in 2003 (when we were forced to leave the Friday morning of the Fest to go be with Dad) and he not only remembered her, he was genuinely pleased to finally meet her. Later, Wendy Ryan from the Fan Club ran into Erica and asked "Are you Becky?" She apparently walked right past me in the lobby. Her daughter Lorelai, a baby the last time we saw her, is now a six-year-old fan. We got pics with both of them.

They had some events going on in the forum on the second floor and we spent the last part of the day up there -- there was a Q & A with the filmmakers who shot the Innes documentary, a presentation by the author of the Beatles Christmas Book, and finally a presentation from Paul Saltzman, the author of The Beatles in Rishikesh. Saltzman's an interesting figure in Beatles history: he was a 24-year-old student whose breakup with a girlfriend had so devastated him a friend of his suggested he learn meditation to work through the heartache and pointed him toward the ashram of the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's in Rishikesh. He went there, rang the bell at the gates and was informed he could not come in and learn meditation because "the Beatles and their wives are here and we're not allowing anyone else in so as to protect their privacy." In despair, he asked if he could wait until they left and camped outside the gates in a tent for eight days before finally being allowed inside.

His presentation was more on the benefits of meditative practice than recalling stories of his time with the Fabs, which both Erica and I are interested in anyway so we got a lot out of meeting him. I've got a new book to look for next year :) Erica and I ended up getting Sarpino's delivered to the hotel once we got back -- really great "fake Italian," just as the night porter recommended.

( Market Days, August 10 )

Sunday, Erica and I went to visit Justin in Lakeview, got turned around *several* times on 290 ("Who did the municipal planning for this goddamned city?!" "..The mob." "...oh yeah."), and finally got down there in time for Market Days, the largest street festival in the Midwest. Kind of a second Pridefest for Chicago, the festival is four city blocks long in Lakeview and hosts thousands of people. We got to meet Justin's new boyfriend, Ryan, who treated us to lunch and drinks at Sidetracks. He was truly wonderful to meet and get to know -- it never felt awkward talking to him like it sometimes does with Caroline or Missy's men. Maybe because we actually have something in common. I got some passable crowd shots of the festival (holding the camera over my head like the short shit I am) and two really great shots of the gay ROTC group doing their show at the pavilion.

( ROTC Performance, August 10 )

( Lakefront, August 10 )

Once we reached the end of the market, the four of us went out to the lake front and had a little picnic lunch with veggies and hummus, peanuts, trail mix and beer. Though it was a bit chilly, it was a great close-out to the day.

( Picnic, Augut 10 )

We checked out the next day, got some great iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts and started for the highway when I realized I'd left my rainbow cuff bracelet behind in the room. We turned around and the woman at the front desk was kind enough to let me run up and grab it. The drive home ended up being a lot faster and a lot nicer than the ride up to Chicago. I had my Sansa and we listened to Beatle records the whole way home, just as we had up there. When we got to Mile 112 or so on 55, Erica pointed out this *beautiful rainbow* visible in a group of cirrus clouds just overhead. *Gorgeous*. I would have grabbed one of our cameras if they hadn't been in the trunk with our bags. "Abbey Road" was playing, I think. The rainbow remained in the sky until Mile 94 or so and the clouds just broke up. I wonder who was speaking to us just then? *shrugs*

We got home in time for Grandpa's birthday dinner at Friday's. Uncle Matt, Aunt Dolores and the girls both came. Caitlin showed me a new tattoo she got back in June -- the face of Billie Holiday, on her side. The detail of it is fantastic. I may go to the same shop for my next one, haven't decided.

All in all, it was a great trip :) And once again, I can't wait to go back again next year.

..this is certainly going to be interesting.

Erica asked me shortly after she got back to St. Louis if I'd be interested in seeing Ringo perform during his summer tour this year. Dad took E. to see him eight years ago when he performed with the All-Starr Band at UMB Bank Pavilion. That happened to fall on the weekend of my 17th birthday, I was out of town with some friends, I didn't get to see Ringo. So I told her yes. She then told me that Ringo's tour wouldn't be making a stop in StL (surprise, surprise), would I be interested in maybe taking a day trip to Chicago to see him?

Ringo Starr. Chicago. Two of my favourite things in the whole world? *Yes*.

So Erica tells me she'll watch the website for when the tickets go on sale. We agree that she will purchase the tickets online and I'll pay her back the next time I see her.

Cut to last Thursday: I call Erica about picking her up to see our aunt performing at a Kirkwood Theater Guild show and she tells me she's purchased the tickets (mind you, I'm thinking mid-level, maybe $75 seats)..

ME: "Cool! How much were they?"
ERICA: "$465.92"
ME: "........." (thud)

I fell over. My baby sister bought tickets in Row N at Charter One Bank Pavilion. Fifteen rows back from the stage.

*breathes in, breathes out*

I owe $234.46 for my ticket. So does Erica for that matter -- but it's not quite the same for someone who has no car, no car insurance, no gasoline to pay for and is not paying for her own health, dental and vision insurance. Fortunately my state and federal returns have arrived and I can just about make it.

We're driving up there the day of the concert. I'm deducting the money I pay on gasoline from the debt for the ticket. I haven't decided if we're going to stay the night in the city or if we're just going to get back on the road after the concert. In terms of distance, it's not bad. 312 miles both ways, two gas stops -- one on the way there, one on the way back. And we can always stop at a motel in Bloomington or somewhere else on 55.

I love my baby sister. I do. And I know I will feel a lot better about this on July 14th, after we have spent the entire evening 20 feet away from Ringo Starr, but until then *grits teeth*

Chicago was wonderful. I worked 10 to noon on Friday the 3rd and met Caroline up at her house. We got her oil changed and tires rotated, got some lunch at Sonic before topping off her gas tank and taking off.

I'd forgotten how much more enjoyable road trips are when there's another person in the car with you. We listened to Queen and the Beatles on the way. We stayed at a Day's Inn in Elk Village Grove, about ten minutes outside of Rosemont where Beatlefest was being held at the Hyatt Regency O' Hare. The "funny smell" posters on Hotels.com talked about turned out to be an incredibly heavy perfume in the hallways and the rooms. We opened our windows and jacked up the A/C to air the room out. The room itself was incredibly comfortable with nice accomodations and, lo and behold, the inn ended up being next door to a McDonald's ("We just can't get away from McD's, can we?"). Apart from coffee in the mornings, neither of us went there. Caroline found a place called Rosati's near the hotel and we ended up splitting a HUGE deep-dish pizza that was by far the best pizza I've ever tasted in my life. And so huge we had to leave half of it on the table -- we were too full to finish it (after two pieces each) and didn't have a refrigerator to keep it.

The next day, Caroline's friend Natalie came to hang out with us and the three of us took Highway 90 into downtown Chicago to check out the sights. We originally wanted to go to Navy Pier, but the place was too crowded with Saturday afternoon traffic and the parking garages close enough were all full. We ended up circling back and taking Lakeshore Drive (btw, what is this "just you and your mind" shit? *everyone* is on Lakeshore Drive, it's five freakin' lanes), bypassing through Lincoln Park and ending up back on Ohio Street. We spotted the Hard Rock Cafe on Ontario and -- before we got turned around looking for another parking garage -- Caroline pulled into the Walgreen's across the street. We weren't three steps out of the car when we got called over by a man in a tow truck driver's uniform. His job was to sit in the lot and report anyone who parked illegally. Caroline said she'd move the car and we all started to get back in when he said "Wait a minute.." and *winked*. He even used the word "bribe" a moment later.

ME: "Is $20 enough?"
HIM: "Lady, $20 is plenty enough."

I had to walk into Walgreen's and buy a bottle of water so I could hand this guy a 20-dollar-bill without arousing suspicion. I'm still laughing about it -- just another one to add to my list of minor offenses in my short life. Nat, Caroline and I got lunch at a place on the corner called Portibello's (I believe), got some t-shirts at the Hard Rock and walked up and down Michigan Ave for a while. Before we called it a day, we all got ice cream sodas at Ed Debevic's -- where a random waiter kept asking me if I was there to see Lollapalooza. Just me, not even including Nat and Caroline. *shrug* I guess I look the type. Nat said goodbye and Caroline and I went to the Hyatt to check out the events at Beatlefest. We walked around the market place, found a Paul McCartney ring for Missy (which she's been asking for since 2001), an "Om" badge that I thought would be perfect for Erica (my Hindu-studying sister). I bought a vintage "Free Paul" badge that was made during the time of Paul's 1980 marijuana arrest in Japan. We both chatted with Victor Spinetti, one of the fest's guest speakers, in the room where the various guests had tables set up for autographs. He was there selling a memoir he'd written about his experiences as a film actor in Britain in the '60s, being a bisexual man in Europe, his friendship with the Beatles, etc. He was very kind and witty -- when I told him I was going to buy a copy the next day, his reply was "You're too young to read it."

We made arrangements to meet our friend Justin (brknmachine) at a cafe in his new neighborhood in Lakeview. It took a long time to get down there from Highway 90 and across a couple counties -- we seemed to have this habit of getting turned around in the city. When we finally met up with him, we had a late supper at a place called The Bagel and he gave us a walking tour of his new neighborhood. Lakeview was one of the first nationally recognized "gay neighborhoods" and it seems to be something of a counter-culture hub: lots of tattoo/piercing parlors, leather shops, a bath house, some adult shops here and there. One of the buildings we passed had a HUGE mural on the side which turned out to be a Bud Light advertisement, with two pretty boys and a rainbow underscoring the Bud Light logo. Justin had just moved into his new apartment that morning and he gave us a short tour of the place. It was great to see him again.

The next morning, Caroline and I made another trip downtown and took a walk up to Wrigley Field, where I took a photo of Caroline standing under the sign. We got lunch at one of the fifteen or twenty Irish pubs in the downtown area (this one called the Irish Oak) before heading back to Beatlefest. We visited the ballroom for Victor Spinetti's Q&A. My question ended up being the last one of the evening and it was about LGBT Beatle fans -- had he met many, did he have an idea of how the music might have touched us in a different way from the straight community. He didn't have much to say on that subject but when I started to ask my question, there was this lovely moment where I literally *came out* to this room full of at least four or five hundred Beatlefans:

ME: "It's not everyday I do this, but I'm a bisexual Beatles fan."
VICTOR: "My goodness, so am I!"
*huge laugh, round of applause from the audience*

Just extraordinary. And it turns out, another member of beatlesecret was in the audience when I did that, and mentioned it in a post on the comm (see photo #7). I'm so very proud I did that now and so thankful to Victor for being the open, good-humored person he is. I bought a copy of his book, got an autograph and a photo and thanked him for answering my question. Caroline and I went up to the bar afterwards and had a few beers. One thing about the Hyatt: it apparently just underwent some major renovations on the first and second lobby floors -- new tile, one new elevator, new furniture and accoutrements, etc. They also moved the bar, which used to be tucked away in one corner of Lobby 2 to a more central location and opened it up to all age groups -- whereas the place used to be guarded like Fort Knox to keep sneaky little underage shits like me and Jamie out. It was so nice to sit on this comfy couch off to the side, near the front of the bar and stare out at a hotel full of people wearing Beatle t-shirts. Even Caroline said so. Dad always said it was nice to be among "your own kind" for a few days.

We stuck around for the Battle of the Bands, chatted with a couple that was sitting in our row in the ballroom, had a couple more beers and enjoyed the show. I'm a music enthusisast in general but Beatle music buoys my soul in a way no other does. Maybe because it's something I've shared with so many others -- family and friends. We headed out around 10 and ended up going back to Rosati's, getting some spaghetti and garlic bread (btw, this place has the *best* garlic bread I've ever tasted. It is bloody *orgasmic*) to go and had supper back at the hotel.

Amazing. Just wonderful, it just the recharge I needed and it was so much fun, Caroline wants to go again next year.