Afterellen.com's Interview with Kristiana Loken

"For many, many years I struggled with even just choosing a gender. I'd be in a relationship with one, and I'd want to be in a relationship with another one — I mean as far as gender went, and it was really confusing for me until I accepted the fact that I'm simply attracted to a person and loving them on that level, and gender really becomes secondary.

"I think the bisexual community is really a difficult niche, because you're not really taken seriously by either the straight community or the gay community, so it's hard to find that acceptance. But I guess I would just say: Be confident with just being able to love who you choose, whether it's a man or a woman, and know that that's OK."

I love this woman. And I also love that she was interviewed by the site's managing editor, Malinda Lo, and not the EIC Sarah Warn.

I attended a panel discussion with both of them in Miami last September and immediately developed a crush on Warn... until I read her writing and got the niggling feeling that she was a) slightly biphobic and b) MORE than a little transphobic. She's used the term "straight bisexual" to refer to women who are attracted to both genders but -- for a variety of reasons -- have only dated men (the context is not positive, these "SB's" according to Warn are an annoyance that further render the "real" bisexual women even more invisible), and once referred to the Zoe/Bianca storyline (a trans/lesbian romance) on AMC as part of the soap's continued effort of "screwing lesbians over for eight years in a row!"

"Phobic" is maybe not the best term for Warn's approach to some subjects, but she has her own set of definitions of what's acceptable for bisexual women and transgender people, fictional and non-fictional, and they are a great deal more narrow and divisive than what I find comfortable.

Neither of which I get coming from Lo's articles, which always seem more -- purposely avoiding the term "fair and balanced" -- equitable. She's a lesbian writer who works for a lesbian website and admits to knowing "maybe two" straight people in her life. But she also criticized "The L Word's" writing team for dropping the ball on Moira/Max's transition storyline and it's "vanishing bisexual" storylines in spite of having *two* openly bisexual regular characters.

..the best I could come up with was that I'd turned Republican. But that was just too horrific to even contemplate :P

I went to Missy's bridal shower Saturday morning. That was nice, though it still feels surreal to have someone so close to me, close to my age, getting married. Never mind that she already has a house in Maplewood and a full-time day job. It all makes me feel so.. *immature* somehow. Because I'm her age and still live at home -- but then again, so do the majority of my friends. That really says something about this economy: all the college graduates I know are either married or still live at home. Not a one of us have ever lived alone, with only ourselves for support.

Which is maybe why the idea of getting married suddenly sounds so good. I always liked some of the details: the ring, the dress, the vows, etc. Never liked some of the others: inviting a bunch of relatives I don't know or don't like who will only turn up at the reception to take advantage of the free meal, drinks and to make passes at the friends and family I *do* like.

I have no idea if I will ever get married. Or have children. I'll probably fall in love again. But I don't know if it will be with a man or a woman -- whether I'm going to have to fight my more simple-minded relatives or gay people who want to tell me I'm not queer if I fall for a man. Most people I know, friends included, assume bisexuals look at the world like a smorgesbord. All I see is a minefield. Don't know who I'm going to fall in love with, who I'm going to marry, whether this person is going to rupture my insides and kill me.

Perhaps a bit of all three?

Morning all. I'm at the Vital Voice office in my little corner of the second-floor office space. Outside on my window on the sill of the next building, two pidgeons are building a nest. I've got my fingers crossed that it lasts through the rain and thunderstorms we're supposed to have all this week. When I went into the kitchen area, I looked out into the backyard area and two gray squirrels were grooming each other in the castrated (my word for "trimmed" trees) yew tree outside..

Okay, so maybe the animals aren't getting laid more than me. But they're definitely setting up house, which is further than I've ever gotten.

I haven't got much more energy this Monday than any of the others. I opened at Blockbuster both Saturday and Sunday, both times I worked under Lori (who, in a very surreal moment, told me to "watch my language" when I said the word "tits".. hmmm. Alright. A "please" would still be nice but, hell, I'm getting paid to listen to your condescension anyway so who's the real loser here?) who, it turns out, was a year behind me at Lindbergh. Eww. For some reason, I can't bear running into people I went to school with at this point in my life: not as thin as I want to be, hair not the color I want yet, working part-time in a video store and not full-time at a newspaper, and -- apparently -- still recognizable enough that random people call me "Becky" even though my nametag says "Rebecca." RESPECT THE NAMETAG MOTHERFUCKERS!

But parts of the weekend made up for the others: Stephanie's birthday was Saturday and she, John and Vanessa, Caroline and I went to see the new Ninja Turtles movie at Ronnie's Plaza. One great thing about Ronnie's: it's a 20-theater cinema which used to be an 8-theater cinema which was a drive-in before that. When the super-duper 20-theater, all stadium seating megaplex was built, they made room for a little restaurant off to the side called "Ronnie's Drive-In," complete with booths decked out to look like the backseats of cars, with a huge movie-screen that runs shorts, movie trailers and sporting events every season, all year round. Because of the draw for the sporting events, Ronnie's Drive-In sells beer. Bottle and draft. They used to not let you take your beer into the theater, but sometime when they were promoting the "Big Game Sunday" shows, they relaxed this rule considerably. Caroline and I ended up bringing 33 oz. cups of Bud Light into the movie with us. Which helped my enjoyment of the movie.

Afterwards, Steffie wanted to go gamble, so the five of us met Missy and Tom up at the Ameristar Casino in St. Charles. Missy and I "played the bar" (Me: three more bottles of Bud Light, two glasses of lemonade; Missy: two glasses of white zinfandel) while we watched our friends lose money at the penny slots and got to hear about how Tom and John won $60 at the blackjack table. Great thing about playing the bar: you don't really win anything, you don't break even, but you NEVER lose. Most of us needed food in our stomach to make the drive home afterwards, so Tom and Missy got Jack in the Box for the lot of us. First fast food I've had in three months, wish I could say I'm ashamed but..eh. Fuck it.

I adopted the same attitude to having tipsy Missy and Caroline pat my ass and finger my piercing through my shirt. I still feel like the "queer carnival attraction" in the group at moments like that, but no one's really trying to make me feel that way so what can I say? And a copped feel is a copped feel. But I draw the line at kissing. I love them both, but if either of these bitches sticks their tongue down my throat they're just going to pin it on me later -- and then I will beat their asses. So that line's there for *their* own good as well as mine.

Christopher Munch - the only John Lennon slasher to ever committ his speculation to *film*.