..and this close to putting it through the plate glass window to my left. I'm tired of working two jobs, tired of people acting like I don't have a "real job" and getting impatient with me when I miss out on things because I can't take off from either of my FAKE!jobs or because juggling three different schedules is a Herculean task even on a good day.

So, while I'm being negative, I thought I'd be positive and talk about the good things that have happened recently (pictures to follow, once I finally get them developed).

In the past six weeks I have:

1) Met John Waters. He came to St. Louis with "This Filthy World" and his new art show "Artistically Incorrect" which is showing at Laumeier Sculpture Part through December. He was pretty much what I thought. I got to tell him I was a nude model who'd skipped work to come to his show.

JW: "You didn't come nude!"
ME: "They wouldn't let me!"

I got a photo with him and an autograph. The autograph is interesting: I'd been in such a hurry to get to the show, I ran out of the house without Shock Value, Crackpot or any of my dvds. I'd even considered bringing my copy of Last Exit to Brooklyn because it was printed by Grove Press and he's talked about buying and reading every title GP put out in the fifties and sixties. In the end, however, I asked him if he'd please sign my book of hours -- the Laxmi cloth notebook Caitlin gave me for Xmas that has all of my meditation notes in it.

ME: "I know you don't like this kind of thing. You can write something anti-Buddhist if you want."
JW: "*laughing* Oh no! I could never write something anti-religion!"

He took up an entire page with his signature, which he signed "PREY! John Waters."

2) Pretended I was Lizzie Borden. For Halloween, of course. I worked a short shift that night then ended up going to Rachel's for a bit, having a late supper with her, Jason H and my sister. The funny part? The entire Victorian era costume... was *my clothes*. Two blouses that I wear all the time, the long black skirt I bought in London, my combat boots, even the silver comb I used to put my hair up. I did not buy a single one of those to contribute to my costume. They were just *around*. Even the fake blood I applied to my chin and neck for "back-spray" was something I bought a few years ago and still had in my make-up kit.

JENNY: "Who has fake blood just *lying around*??? You're weird, Becca."

And you're an alcoholic bitch, but we won't split hairs. The late supper with Rachel was nice. I'd planned on coming to her *Halloween PARTY* but, as usual, Raye doesn't know how to use her cellphone so I didn't get the message that the party had been moved to *November 1st*. *sighs* By the next night, I didn't feel like getting dressed up in the full Victorian gear or even putting my hair up, so I just wore a sheer lace blouse and the full skirt. And carried my plastic broad-axe -- the only piece I bought for my costume.

3) Figured out at least one thing about myself. The startling revelation? I don't fuck on the second date. Or the first date. Or maybe even the third. Call me old-fashioned -- hell, *I* would have a few years ago. Call me pretentious -- I'm not, but you can. It's not out of misplaced virtue or fear of disease or my irrational, entrenched fear that most people equate "bisexual" with "promiscuous"... It's that I personally find that kind of committment emotionally straining and people that don't call after that second, sexless date simply aren't worth my time or energy expediture (because, guess what mommy!, it turns out they really are after my pussy and not my brain). Now that I've found the formula for my peace of mind on this matter, perhaps I can get around to eliminating the people that aren't and locating the people that *are*.

4) Figured out at least one thing about a "friend" of mine. He's, in fact, not a friend at all. He's an emotional cipher who thinks *almost* swallowing a bottle of "pills" qualifies as a genuine suicide attempt and that just showing up at my workplace entitles him to a ride home at the end of my shift. No and no. *IS CUT OFF* I am the wrong bitch to take that nonsense to.

5) Bought some pretties. Because, really, doesn't shopping (when you can afford it) make *everything* better? I went to Macro Sun with quietkindofcraz last week and bought a rainbow scarf and a purple and rainbow patch with the Buddha eyes and an Om symbol at the top (it's since been sewn on the back of my gypsy bag). The next night I went to Mokabe's and ended up buying a necklace made by Ragamuffin Designs -- it's a miniature two-piece, figure drawing decoupaged and connected with wires. She calls it "Wearable Collage". Delightful.

Okay. I feel better now. The glass is safe.

I didn't find a new copy of the book I was looking for, but I *did* find a copy of Camille Paglia's Sexual Personae.

ME: "How much is this book?"
SELLER: "Where'd you find it?"
ME: "It was on that cart over there."
SELLER: "25 cents."

*joygasm*