...here's a fandom entry:

Finally watched Black Books. It was *goooooood*. I'm a little in love with Bernard Black -- Irish, foul-mouthed, chain-smoker, loves books, hates customers, obsessed with his male shop-assistant (played by a handsome and bearish Bill Bailey). I'm definitely in love with Dylan Moran and have most of "Monster", his 2005 stand-up special, downloaded to my iPod.

Got my assignment for the red_xmas fic exchange. Have two envelopes scribbled with notes and a basic timeline. My first adult story since my last one. Huzzah!

All of my muses have been poking me with various implements and have talked me into posting not one, but two entries on muses_speak. To be posted soon..

Lastly, every fandom post must include a FANDOM MEME:

1. I have made a list of 15 characters, which I am keeping to myself for the moment.

2. I ask you, dear flist, to post questions in the comments. Crazy questions. Whatever you like. For example: "4, 6, 12 & 15 are starting a band together, what is their name and what kind of music do they play? Also, who's the lead singer, and what instruments do the others play?"

3. After you ask enough questions, I will round them up and answer them using the 15 characters I selected beforehand, and then post them.

It's another fucking planet, I'm telling you.

All alcohol is "booze," apparently. Beer, girlie wine coolers and spritzes, the wine your grandfather made for you and gave you as a housewarming gift.

Sex is a nebulous thing alternately joked about (when it's somebody else's) and feared. People from Indiana don't own sex toys or need to masturbate and if you do, well you must be some sort of FREAK, also to be alternately joked about and feared.

They have no sense of personal boundaries: they will talk about you and your partner's romantic life when the partner is in the same room (and do everything but call *you* a sex toy). They will take your chair when you get up to leave the room -- never mind that it's got your Coke can on the end-table and your laptop on the arm and you've done everything but piss in a circle around it to proclaim it YOURS.

How the hell do people grow up like this? Is there something in the water? Is it because the Klan ran the state for so long?

ME: "I've lost my mind."
AUB: "I lost mine first."
ME: "You did not!"
AUB: "Did so."
ME: "Did not!"
AUB: "Who's got more brain damage?"
ME: *short pause* "Well, that's up for debate."
AUB: *laughing*
ME: No, it is! You've had a traumatic brain injury, but I've imbibed more than you. I've filled my body with way more chemicals and done far more damage to my short term memory."
AARON: "I've got you both beat."
AUB: "What?"
AARON: "I never had a mind."

ME: "Huh. Angry grey-haired white men. Just as I thought. Not that I'm prejudiced. I'll have grey hair someday."
AUB: "No you won't."
ME: "No I won't."
AUB: "Even though you've got some now."
ME: "Shut up!"

..until there's a KnowThyNeighbor.org for all the people that donated to the Yes on Prop 1 campaign in Maine.

I'm sending every one of those cunts an HRC sticker and a photo of two men kissing.

I can't say I'm tired. After five years, I cannot say I'm tired of fighting the bigots, the conservatives, the evangelicals, the self-righteous, the hypocrites, the people that want me in chains, the people that want to "put me in my place," the people that want me *dead*. That would be an insult to all the people who have been fighting for 40 years or more. I'll keep fighting.

I'll continue to fight. I'll vote and write my cheques and I'll smile and wink at anyone who thinks calling me a "degenerate" is an insult when they waste so much of their energy hating me for something I can't change and would never want to. I feel sorry for anyone who doubts that I'm a force to be reckoned with because I have love in my heart unlike them. What's more, I have people who love me for who I am and think it's absurd that any government would consider me less than a person much less my own.

They can have their petty little battles. I know who I am and I know what my rights are. I won my own war a long time ago and no one's snatching that victory away from me.

This has already been an odd one for me.

tehgreatllama died Thursday night.

It was storming that night. They think he was driving too fast, hydroplaned and flipped his truck into a ditch around a steep curve. They found him Friday morning after his mother filed a missing person's report.

I met him in August, 2005 along with Maggie, Mikey and Melissa. All of them were freshmen from ASMS, an Arkansas school for kids gifted in science and mathematics. They all came to their first PRIDE meeting as a unit but, over the years I felt I got to know each one of them individually.

Alex was a lit geek like me. The only class we ever took together was an honors colloquium on Multicultural Britain, where we got to watch "My Beautiful Laundrette" and read Absolute Beginners -- a "queer little book" according to him. I agreed. When I started to write my book, Alex was the first one I really consulted on the narrative, the themes of Americans in Britain and the cultural exchange between the two nations, the genderfuck of a couple characters. I think we bored Mikey and everyone else to tears the night we went over my notes -- off in our own little world.

I'm sorry I didn't finish it in time for him to read it. I'm even more sorry that I hadn't spoken with him in so long. He has a place on my altar now: my Colin MacInnes reader is on the third tier, between the jack o' lantern and the dish of dried apricots I left out for my dad.

R.I.P. Alex. Let the wild rumpus begin.

..how a coffee house can be for "womyn born womyn and girl children only." But I'm pretty sure I don't want to get a cup of coffee from there.

I wonder if the dyke couples with boy children in their strollers get turned away at the door?

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Queer and Loathing in D.C.
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Ron Paul Interview

...I want to be known as "Bi-Furious". *evil grin*

And bless "The Daily Show" for linking my people with Hunter S. Thompson. That made me giggle.

..in addition to my other talents.

An ancient meme from minikitkatgirl:

First you pick 10 of your favorite band members/musicians. ~DON'T LOOK AHEAD AT THE QUESTIONS BEFORE YOU ANSWER! IT WILL SPOIL THE QUIZ!~

1. Elkie Brooks
2. Ronnie Spector
3. Neil Innes
4. Peter Tork
5. Micky Dolenz
6. Paul McCartney
7. John Lennon
8. Amy Winehouse
9. Deborah Harry
10. Joey Ramone

( On to the questions.. )

..Went to work at the Academy, everything was fine.

Came home, and all of a sudden I want to stick my fingers in the light socket.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me.

Reply to this meme by yelling "Words!" and I will give you five words that remind me of you. Then post them in your LJ and explain what they mean to you.

nyghtshayde gave me Writing, Queer, Independence, Equality and Friendship

1) Writing Salvation, in a nutshell. It's been the only thing I've ever wanted to do since I was nine years old. When times have been bad, it's been a pressure release valve for me. When times have been good, it's been a way for me to build worlds and characters that I think *should* exist or, in the case of fanfiction, to add my own narrative structure and style to an existing compendium.

2) Queer In college, I got away from calling myself bisexual partly because there was such a negative connotation attached to the word: people impose their own sexual baggage on your when you tell them you're bisexual (whereas if you tell them you're queer, it merely confounds them into inaction). And partly because while bisexual is what I am, that terminology is also too narrow a fit for my total identity. I'm bisexual, but also pan-sexual -- because I don't believe in an inherent gender binary (i.e. everyone being either male or female, man or woman). Because I grew up with people like Jason and Justin, I'm also a lifelong fag hag. I write lesbian fiction with erotic and graphic sexual scenes, but I also write gay male fiction and -- when the mood strikes me -- het fiction. I'm kinky. I've loved men and women; was engaged to a 26-year-old long-haired male evangelical Christian who'd made underachieving a lifetime pursuit; am engaged to a 27-year-old female former soldier who's shown more strength, resolve and ambition than anyone I've ever known at any level of age. What *isn't* queer about all of that?

3) Equality On a government level in North America, it's a return to constitutional credo: all men are created equal (and no semantics argument: Jefferson meant *everyone* when he wrote that). On a personal level, to me, it means a total, unequivocal acceptance of the fact that we are all made of the same stuff, all have the right to be alive, all have the right to live free so long as we don't do anyone any harm. I'm not sure everyone looks at everyone else on their city street and feels that way. Even myself.

4) Friendship Family, first and foremost. More than family in some ways because unlike blood family, you choose your friends. You invite people into your life that you like and hope will be beneficial to your well-being (but aren't always). It's constructing your own kinship apart from and sometimes intermingled with the one you acquired at birth; surrounding yourself with people who will allow you to be yourself and grow as you need to. It's also creating a circle of people who are a safe space to run to when your family (or your government) fails you in some way.

5) Independence Being able to choose how you want to live your life and making the means to do it for yourself. I feel like I've been struggling for independence most of my adult life even though, most of the time, I didn't really need to. I've been fortunate enough that no one's ever really sought to control me through money, shared space, sex, etc. I was allowed from an early age to have a certain independence over my body and physicality -- to dress and style my hair the way I wanted. From the age of thirteen, I was able to pick my own church, my own religion, follow my spiritual journey to whereve it was going. I've worked since I was 17 and maintained as much financial independence as I could -- when you pay your own bills, some people think twice about telling you what to do or how you should live your life.

..ended up lasting seven weeks.

My calves are still burning.

For those who are interested, the details are behind the cuts. For everyone else, the totality of the last two months can be summed up in three photos:

...I think.

*is horrible at math*

The bridemaids' treadmill starts at 11 am:

- lunch with the bride
- group mani-pedi
- pack overnight bag
- make sure strapless bra is clean and fits well under the dress
- pack the dress
- meet Aubrey
- get ready for rehearsal
- rehearsal
- rehearsal dinner
- staying the night at the bride's house
- up early
- hairdo appointment with complimentary mimosas
- get to the church on time
- try not to trip down the aisle in silver spike heels
- limo ride to the reception
- try not to make a fool of self during the toast

....

AND, somewhere before all of this, I need to pick up my car from Maaco. Who, when I spoke with them yesterday, would not guarantee that it would be ready at 8 am. I told them yes it *would*. Hear's hoping they listened.

I don't ask this often, but why am I still awake?

..and The Monkees make it a little more tolerable.

Micky Dolenz is the only man who ever made wearing a tablecloth look good. Patti Smith just wishes she did it better..

Parole for Manson Follower, Would-Be Ford Assassin

Okay.

I've stated my opinion on this before. I have... some sympathy for Squeaky Fromme, which leaves a bad taste in my own mouth sometimes. If you read the book about her life, she made a lot of bad choices and put her faith and self-worth in the hands of the wrong people over and over again, starting with her father.

And, unlike the other Manson women -- the ones who *actually killed people* -- she never seemed to be out from under Manson's spell. As recently as 1994, she was still confiding her love for him and the rest of the family. That was the tragedy about her. She was eligible for parole in 1985 and waived her right to a hearing every year for twenty years. While Atkins, Van Houten, Watson and Krenwinkle have two-stepped in and out of hearings, making their case for release (and ignoring the 8 bodies they left behind) over and over again, she wouldn't even complete an application for parole. Why? Out of guilt, the journalists and biographers suspect, because she hadn't "done for the family" like the others.

I hope this means she's out from under his spell now. Finally. She's 61 years old now. Does she have anyone on the outside waiting for her? Anyone who will help her acclimate to the world outside? Who knows.. I don't think she'll hurt anybody now. She couldn't even then.

But who knows? I hope I'm right.

And I sure as hell hope they don't let anyone else out.

R.I.P. Billy Lee Riley

The Arkansas native who recorded at the same studio, at the *same time* as Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash. For those of you who've never heard it, here's his classic (and fantastic!) "Red Hot".

Most recently, it was used as Selma Blair's signature song in John Waters' A Dirty Shame (at 3:39):

1. Where would you want to go on your honeymoon?

The spasm in my brain says "Scotland." But if it had to be somewhere I've never been, I'd go with Berlin or Prague. Anywhere where I can speak the language.

2. Recently, you've talked about children. What names would be at the top of your list for both boys and girls, and why?

For a son, I want the name Mark in there somewhere -- either as the middle name or the unused first name -- after my father. I also like the name Aidan very much, which evolved from my initial infatuation with the name Adrian (Aidan sounded better with Mark). For a girl, I like the name Annabel, from Poe's poem.

3. What character from any novel do you most relate to and/or resemble and why?

Trillian from the Hithchhiker's Guide novels. I think because she wanted to see the universe and her callous attitude in "Mostly Harmless" is more like me than I'm usually comfortable admitting.

4. What character from any novel do you think I most resemble and why?

You'd be the Mad Hatter from Alice. No question.

5. In your personal beliefs, what is the afterlife like?

I think it's -- of all things -- most similar to the father's beliefs in Audrey Rose -- I think we all go to a quiet place where we meditate on our existence, sort out how we feel about all of it, reach Enlightenment and either move on to the next life or choose to break samsara. At the same time, I believe the afterlife and this life are inherently connected through the Universal Mind. That's why I don't think it's a coincidence when certain songs come on the radio, etc.

Well, I've roamed about this Earth
With just a suitcase in my hand,
And I've met some bug-eyed Joe's,
I've met the blessed, I've met the damned.
But of all the strange, strange creatures
In the air, at sea, on land,
Oh, my girl, my girl, my precious girl,
I love you, you understand.

So, reel me in, my precious girl,
Come on, take me home.
'Cause my body's tired of travelling
And my heart don't wish to roam. No, no.

I have wandered, I have rambled
I have crossed this crowded sphere,
And I've seen a mass of problems
That I long to disappear.
Now, all I have's this anguished heart,
For you have vanished too.
Oh, my girl, my girl, my precious girl,
Just what is this man to do?

So, reel me in, my precious girl,
Come on, take me home.
'Cause my body's tired of travelling
And my heart don't wish to roam.

Yeah, reel me in, my precious girl,
Come on, take me home.
'Cause my body's tired of travelling
And my heart don't wish to roam. No, no.

Well, you took me in, you stole my heart,
I cannot roam no more.
Because love, it stays within you,
It does not wash up on a shore.
But a fighting man forgets each cut
Each knock, each bruise, each fall,
But a fighting man cannot forget
Why his love don't roam no more.

Oh, reel me in, my precious girl,
Come on, take me home.
'Cause my body's tired of travelling
And my heart don't wish to roam.

Yeah, reel me in, my precious girl,
Come on, take me home.
'Cause my body's tired of travelling
And my heart don't wish to roam.

Yeah, walk with me, my love, my love,
Walk tall, walk proud, walk far,
For you know my love, you are, you are,
You are my shining star.

-- Love Don't Roam by Murray Gold, Sung by Neil Hannon

Lifted from kahvi:

Leave a comment and I’ll respond with 5 questions so I can get to know you better. Update your own journal with the questions, giving your answers. Include this explanation and offer to ask other people questions.

Something most people don't know about models (at least figure drawing models): we all know each other's names, have vague ideas about what the other person looks like from charcoal, pen and ink, watercolor and pastel images. But very rarely do we ever meet each other in person -- unless an instructor accidentally double-books a class or one of us happens to be a university student killing time in the department.

I'd met a few via the exceptions above: Eric, a thirtyish man with long, thinning hair styled to resemble cat ears; and Melody, a ceramics student (famed for her acrobatic poses) who's been posing for more than ten years. In the past three weeks, I've met many more: Liz, the office assistant for the art department with the gorgeous sea horse tattoo on her left arm; Bert, the man Tim Liddy described as the "Sean Connery of figure models" who just had his own show last April (twenty artists with pieces depicting him in various mediums). Bruce, the yoga instructor and former journalist who may be the nicest person I've ever met (and confirms my suspicion that the artist adds twenty pounds to their art).

Joe Owens from Meramec came up with the idea of pair modeling for his summer students as a way of 1)introducing more students to the concept of shared space by having them draw two people instead of one and 2)keeping those of us who rely on modeling for income afloat through the mostly slow summer semesters.

The past few weeks have been my favourite experience at Meramec, apart from the classes I did with Bob Lewis. I loved working with the other models, talking to them about posing, composition, our outside occupations (lots of writers, former teachers, soon-to-be artists in their own right). It was wonderful to talk to everyone and get their opinions on certain things about posing, art students and adminstrators. It made me feel good about the work and reputation I'd established.

If anything, it made me a little sad that I'm going to be leaving StL in less than five weeks. A little.